The Battle That We knew was coming and boy, did it hurt.
Ron D Moore wrote this Premiere episode to fill the juicy gaps that the book didn’t cover but the fans have needed to experience. With a new opening sequence but familiar Skye Boat Song theme, he delivers us the Battle of Culloden. We first come in oddly at the end when the red coats are searching for the half dead rebels to finish them off and pilfer anything of worth. Jamie lies amongst bodies unnoticed, with a dead red coat atop like a cosy sleep over. However, it’s Black Jack Randall and he is stone cold dead at last. Woohooo! *ding dong the witch is dead…..
We snap in and out of consciousness with Jamie as he struggles to stay alive. He’s struggling to breathe under the weight of a dead BJR but can look around. He rembembers the start, back before the order of “Charge” was given. Prince Chucky was still rabbiting on about his confidence & blindly declaring something stupid.
Jamie is still on the field half dead, thirsty af and it’s night time. Cruelly, it snows on his face. One tiny flake lands on his bottom lip and a world of women join him in his desire to lick it off. He does and like a weird acid trip, he dreams that Claire approaches him to ask if he is still alive.
Another battle flashback brings us to Jamie. It’s funny the people you run into when you are just going about your daily red coat hunt. Murtagh drops in for a quick bit of stabby banter before dashing back into the mele. Maaaate!
Next Jamie was spotting a familiar red coat on top a horse, slashing away at the rebels with his sword. Time stands still for a moment for both sides as they lock eyes and decide is their final battle going to be right now? Hell yes, says Jamie as he rockets towards BJR who leaps at the chance to get up and close with Ginger fur thighs again.
They thrust and slash and eventually BJR slices a nice souvenir in said Ginger thigh fur. Jamie reaches down in horror and sees that it’s going to leave a jolly big scar for sure. He really thinks it’s going to kill him but details, details.
They rumble again and this time Jamie carves Randall a new digestive track and it’s obvious, the deed is finally done. They collapse together in a heap and Jamie drops the Dragonfly in Amber that Claire left him. We focus on the amber and then it cuts to Frank and Claire in Boston 1948, house hunting. Frank is super friendly and positive (like a teenager on his first date) about their new beginning but Claire is still very reserved like an injured sparrow but plays along as all good wives should.
Snapping back to Culloden, Rupert has rescued Jamie from underneath BJR’s corpse and taken him to a hut where several severely wounded rebels are recovering and ultimately waiting for the red coats to show up. They know escape is fruitless.
In the meantime, Claire now obviously pregnant is struggling with her boredom at home and decided her day could really do with some fireplace baking. As you do. When she arrives home with the firewood, she meets a do-gooder neighbour, who tries to sell her on the positives of having such a modern husband. Sadly Claire is an ignorant person, hell-bent on keeping her Scottish fantasies alive. The neighbour has never seen a Ginger-kilted, ancient warrior get naked at close range though, in fairness.
Claire now more pregnant, gets to go meet Frank’s Harvard Boss at a social event. She’s not keen on the idea but again plays along. His boss is a patronising arsehole and tells Frank he shouldn’t let his wife read stuff. Then he tells Claire that female physicians never succeed. With one foul swoop of pompous foolery and Claire visibly ready to take off his head, she decides then and there to prove the bastard wrong. Just with her eyes. Ouch for Frank’s hand too. Frank’s face through the whole conversation is priceless.
Back at the battlefield of nightmares, the hut is invaded by Lord Melton and his dragoons. They have itchy trigger fingers and one by one drag the rebels outside and despatches them for “his Grace Lord Cumberland”.
Claire finallly works out how to cook a meal. Bacon and eggs. We see her trying to light the gas stove but if you look closely, the egg is already cooked! Magic stove! Frank whinges about teabags in a jovial “First World Problems” way before he decides to grope Claire’s enormous belly. She shuns away from him and he’s had enough. The conversation launches into a full blown argument and Frank tears our guts out with his pleading for Claire to come back to him. She tells him to go see Mrs Palmer and her sisters and he comes back with that classic line “Your a Ho” to which she replies with an Ashtray to his head. If it wasn’t for his ninja cat-moves, he’d be icing that lump for a week.
Our hearts shatter back in the hut as the intermittent role-calling and merciless blasting outside, gives backdrop to the final blokey farewells taking place inside. Gordon gives Jamie a kiss on the hand before meeting his maker and then Rupert tells Jamie they’ll both be judged in heaven for their sins but no hard feelings ay?. They laugh over Angus’s snoring and farting habits and then Rupert volunteers to face the firing squad. Nooooooo! *ugly crying. He leaves the hut with a very Rupert ” I mean to set a quick pace, so keep up” warning to the guard and we are left with Jamie’s puppy dog eyes as the inevitable sound comes. *more ugly crying
Focusing on Jamie’s face of misery we cross back to Frank in his own modern misery. Trying to sleep on the couch aka doghouse after their fight and not be able to sleep. As it’s futile, he gets up and starts to write a letter to the Reverend Wakefield in Scotland. He requests his help in researching what happened to that Jamie Fraser aka Jacobite Heart throb. Just as he gets focused, up pops Claire with the baby on the way.
It’s Jamie’s turn to face the firing squad and as the officer gets him to state his name, Lord Melton realises he recognises it. *&%$#! Of all the huts in all of Culloden, Big Red Jamie had to be half-dead in his. JHRC! Actually Lord Melton is a very sweary boy and it was obvious he didn’t like having to NOT shoot Jamie. I think he was jelly of his super cute knees but that’s just me. He explained to Jamie that his wee brother Lord John William Grey was the lad who tried to kill Jamie in S2. Jamie used Claire (fake hostage) to fool him out of info about the nearby English troops, broke his arm and let him go. At the time, young Lord Grey said he owed Jamie his life and now big bro Lord Melton was paying that debt of honour. So he couldn’t shoot Jamie, even when his colleague suggested using a pseudonym… Those were the days….
So Lord Melton arranges for a wagon to sneak Fraser back to Lallybroch and the gentle *cough rehabilitation of his placid *cough sister.
Claire is well and truly giving birth now and Dr Thorne waltzes into her room with the sublety of a sledgehammer and tells her to just do as she’s told. He asks about previous pregnancies and their is an awkward yes/no between Claire & Frank. She confesses about the miscarriage and the Doctor says it’s high risk so Mr Randall can kiss her goodbye, as he’ll be in charge from here. *insert eye-rolling. Frank says he’ll bring a bouquet of ashtrays for Claire to throw at the doctor. *he’s so adorable”
In the operating room Claire’s choices are ignored and they just knock her out. When she wakes, their is an echo to the S2 Faith episode and she’s asking for her baby. Before she gets too frantic that she’s lost another and grabs an ashtray, in breezes Father of the Year- Frank, with his new true love in his arms. It’s a girl! Baby Bree is as adorable as her new Daddy and wins them all over instantly. There is happys tears and they are deciding this is the answer to their prayers and they’ll be happy ever after. Right?
Wrong. In walks nurse Numpty and wants to know why the baby is a ginger? AWKWARD much.
Can’t wait for next episode! PS. Where is Murtagh?
Written by Margo Davidson
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